Children often act out as a result of something that has scared them, or perhaps an unfamiliar circumstance. Sometimes, when they are not at an age to reveal a problem, they act out in other ways, such as: crying during the night, wanting to be held, or have little appetite. Often, it is a mystery. Clueless to the dilemma, you stumble on the cause. It can be a shadow on the wall, or maybe a bug they saw, or an animal that approached too quickly, not giving them the time to adjust to the situation. Or, a million other things, like a balloon popping or someone sneezing too loudly. My grandson often says "what's that noise," or what's that?"
It could also be an unfamiliar sound... airplane, train or lightning or even the wind blowing during a storm. Once the mystery is revealed, you can deal with the problem. Once my oldest son, who as an infant at the time, pointed in the direction of a clown picture hanging on the wall of his bedroom, unable to speak, he revealed the long mystery of not wanting to go to bed. Once removed, the problem was solved. So simple, and amazingly we never thought of it.
If a child is not happy, no one will be. Trust me, we were always grateful to get to the root of the problem, even if we had no clue as how to resolve the situation. Can you imagine, he was afraid of a household fly. Flies are everywhere! The doctor assured us that if we allowed the fly to land on us, it would demonstrate to him that there is no concern, and that eventually the child would learn that its okay.
Recently, a two-year-old was playing on the couch with his do-do-blanket, placing it over his head, he said to me "I'm hiding." So playing along with him, I said "Okay, that's nice...why are you hiding?" and he related, "because I'm scared." In time, he may reveal that he saw an ant, which is his latest thing to get excited about each time he sees one. He thinks if he hides his head, he becomes invisible, just like a turtle. Actually, that's quite sensible when you think of it.
I have to be especially careful not "to act out" when I see creepy crawling things that startles me, cause if I'm startled, what affect with that have on him? We all know grampy hates spiders! I dislike carpenter bees that dash up close to you and stare you down. I am definitely a reactionary person, so this will be difficult for me.
The boys were at it again....this time it was toys. And, as in most cases the voice goes up, then fighting, then the tears, and grandma to the rescue. Sort of like a chain reaction. A learned one...There are many ways to resolve a problem, but once the loudness begins, the composure sort of slips. The secret is to "gain control in the first place", especially when it comes to a two-year-old. If you yell, he'll yell back "No" to you. Never give in to negative behavior by rewarding a child. But reward a child for his good, positive actions. Let him know of your approval, like "good job". Siblings must be taught to curtail the voice and look for positive resolutions like flipping a coin, or trading off for something else, avoiding the disappointment if at all possible. How about the not now, later routine. Soften the blow when you can. It helps to change the disposition of the child. At times, conditions can be set to achieve the goal.
The rule is simple. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." When someone yells or talks loudly, the defense mechanisms go on and then, your not listening "just reacting". Yelling causes you to become uncomfortable and that spells "scared." It says the other person is out of control. One only has to relate to being in the same situation, to relate to and understand what it feels like. You can walk away. Bad behavior does not get response, other than consistent correction that fits the action. Then they get to learn, when I do this, I get that...every time.
My mother-in-law always stepped in when someone got loud. It is after all, better to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. It's better to be diplomatic and that is something you must "work on" from the start. Just "learn" to get along. Try sharing, negotiation, and compromise. We all want to be happy don't we? It is not always what we say, as it is said, "actions are louder than words." That's for sure! But also, how we say something and the tone in which we say it matters.
Those little words like please and thank you, are like honey, soothing to the ears. And, just knowing how to say something, might get you all the things that you want and need without even trying. Isn't it better that way? Love, after all is a two-way street. Show kindness to one another, always.
Almost A Minyan
2 months ago