Consistency In Your Action

Consistency in your action is the key in training a young child for many reasons. It is useful at any age. It says to them, if you do this, you'll get that. I believe the result of positive bedtime habits can be beneficial to the whole family. Once children learn what your expectations are, feel comfortable and secure, they will go right to bed, and sleep through the night, with rare exception.

At grandma's house every "positive" action is acknowledged. Who doesn't respond to a kind word, hug or a special treat? Each grandchild will have his own likes. So, how are your listening skills? Listening skills get better when someone is tugging on your heart.

Some books tell you--in bedtime training, that you should use consistency at bed time. Close the light and door--just leave. One doctor told me many years ago, once a child learns that it's bed time, even if he screams, do not attend to it, and eventually he'll learn the routine. It's Not always that simple.

Grandmother's have their own routine...Observation. Once in bed, if the child is looking all around, he or she is probably "concerned" about being alone. It is not wrong to hold or rock your youngster. Some like to have you sing to them, or even sing with you. There is of couse the night time prayer and reading a book, (sometimes a favorite story they want to hear several times). Taking a little time upfront has its reward later on. Conversation about the fun things that you've done during the day or the anticipation of tomorrow's expectations, like going to see the trains for an example, will set their little mind on something positive.

Once I have placed the little one in bed with their do-do blanket, binki, and stuffed toys, there is a small conversation which includes stuffed animals like teddy bear. The conversation goes something like "teddy bear" you be nice and quiet now because (name) is tired and wants to go night-night. Sometimes, the stuffed animals will say to me "shhh grandma, we're tired now so be quiet so we can go to sleep." I will always ask, do you need the light on? Or do you want to keep the door open or closed? We want our little ones to be comfortable. Are they to hot or cold? Maybe the fan in the window will be a distraction if they are not used to the sound. Perhaps, it is your heating system, or a shade that needs to be pulled. Avoid all loud unexpected noises. Usually before bed, I start dimming the lights, setting a calming and quieting atmosphere. These are the habits that say--bedtime and they get it, eventually.

It isn't always true that you need to exit the room immediately. Sometimes, I'll sit in a nearby chair reading. I notice the little eyes that look up several times to see if I'm still there before closing for dreamland. (I always tell them where I'll be should they need me, or I'll say, "grandma is soooo tired and I'm going night-night too"). A snack is given well before bedtime and a clean, tired secure child is usually eager to sleep, sleeping through the night, except for the occasional binki drop or nightmare.

Grandma's can sometimes forget...but children don't. Several weeks ago, while at my little grandson's house, as I was ready to leave, the two-year-old asked my where his quarters were. So cute! He has learned by my consistent action that good behaviour is rewarded by a few coins for his savings bank. He doesn't really understand at his age the value of the coin, but he does understand that with it's receipt, he is being rewarded for all the good behavoir during the day, and for all the helpful ways he has worked to earn it. He likes to help. Working is a great way to get children to feel good about themselves. All accomplishments are important to all of us. Everyone has something to offer and we appreciate each other.

The success we have acquired is not so much that we expect them to listen to us, they want to do that, it is because we have learned to "listen to them". Often, it was the silent non-verbal communication that taught us what we try to do best, and that is: "love one another." My father-in-law was a much loved, successful and cherished man. I still can hear him saying to everyone he'd meet, "What do You think?" We all wanted to know what he thought....Think about that for a moment. We all need to become "good listeners" and consistent in our action, if we are to become successful and loving people.

Chain Reaction

Children often act out as a result of something that has scared them, or perhaps an unfamiliar circumstance. Sometimes, when they are not at an age to reveal a problem, they act out in other ways, such as: crying during the night, wanting to be held, or have little appetite. Often, it is a mystery.  Clueless to the dilemma, you stumble on the cause. It can be a shadow on the wall, or maybe a bug they saw, or an animal that approached too quickly, not giving them the time to adjust to the situation. Or, a million other things, like a balloon popping or someone sneezing too loudly. My grandson often says "what's that noise," or what's that?"

It could also be an unfamiliar sound...  airplane, train or lightning or even the wind blowing during a storm. Once the mystery is revealed, you can deal with the problem. Once my oldest son, who as an infant at the time, pointed in the direction of a clown picture hanging on the wall of his bedroom, unable to speak, he revealed the long mystery of not wanting to go to bed. Once removed, the problem was solved. So simple, and amazingly we never thought of it.

If a child is not happy, no one will be. Trust me, we were always grateful to get to the root of the problem, even if we had no clue as how to resolve the situation. Can you imagine, he was afraid of a household fly. Flies are everywhere! The doctor assured us that if we allowed the fly to land on us, it would demonstrate to him that there is no concern, and that eventually the child would learn that its okay.

Recently, a two-year-old was playing on the couch with his do-do-blanket, placing it over his head, he said to me "I'm hiding." So playing along with him, I said "Okay, that's nice...why are you hiding?" and he related, "because I'm scared." In time, he may reveal that he saw an ant, which is his latest thing to get excited about each time he sees one. He thinks if he hides his head, he becomes invisible, just like a turtle. Actually, that's quite sensible when you think of it.

I have to be especially careful not "to act out" when I see creepy crawling things that startles me, cause if I'm startled, what affect with that have on him? We all know grampy hates spiders! I dislike carpenter bees that dash up close to you and stare you down. I am definitely a reactionary person, so this will be difficult for me.

The boys were at it again....this time it was toys. And, as in most cases the voice goes up, then fighting, then the tears, and grandma to the rescue. Sort of like a chain reaction. A learned one...There are many ways to resolve a problem, but once the loudness begins, the composure sort of slips. The secret is to "gain control in the first place", especially when it comes to a two-year-old. If you yell, he'll yell back "No" to you. Never give in to negative behavior by rewarding a child. But reward a child for his good, positive actions. Let him know of your approval, like "good job". Siblings must be taught to curtail the voice and look for positive resolutions like flipping a coin, or trading off for something else, avoiding the disappointment if at all possible. How about the not now, later routine. Soften the blow when you can. It helps to change the disposition of the child. At times, conditions can be set to achieve the goal.

The rule is simple. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." When someone yells or talks loudly, the defense mechanisms go on and then, your not listening "just reacting". Yelling causes you to become uncomfortable and that spells "scared." It says the other person is out of control. One only has to relate to being in the same situation, to relate to and understand what it feels like. You can walk away. Bad behavior does not get response, other than consistent correction that fits the action. Then they get to learn, when I do this, I get that...every time.

My mother-in-law always stepped in when someone got loud. It is after all, better to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. It's better to be diplomatic and that is something you must "work on" from the start. Just "learn" to get along. Try sharing, negotiation, and compromise. We all want to be happy don't we? It is not always what we say, as it is said, "actions are louder than words." That's for sure! But also, how we say something and the tone in which we say it matters.

Those little words like please and thank you, are like honey, soothing to the ears. And, just knowing how to say something, might get you all the things that you want and need without even trying. Isn't it better that way? Love, after all is a two-way street. Show kindness to one another, always.

Reactionary

Just about everyone has heard of Newton's 3 laws of motion. It says that forces come in pairs, force pairs. Understanding this theory and its application is important. Just what does it mean "To Every Action there is always an equal and opposite reaction"?  Does this law of physics hold true in most cases? What about yours? Are you balanced and how do we achieve balance? Why is this important? Without balance there is no PEACE. Learning and mastering the force field is critical to everything and everyone. So what is your state of motion in? Controlling your actions may determine your life.

Speaking solely about myself, I have learned that it is not so much the "action" but the reaction that causes me great concern at times. I can just see myself as a child yelling "no" into my parents face. No wonder I got the reaction that I deserved to get. While this might not be the opposite reaction, it sure didn't seem equal either. But it was "reactionary". Maybe not the one I expected or wanted. Hearing bad news has its "negative effect". We try not to be bearers of bad news or speak in a manner that will effect others "wrongly" or we might incur an endless rant back in our own direction as "what goes around certainly comes around, sometimes nastier, as an endless, vicious circle, an unbreakable pattern-- a cancerous, spreading, venomous stench exploiting the whole. It's sort of like the fish tale, bigger and better.

Recently, my old friend poison ivy came back. Equal and opposite reaction? No, not in my case. My body went to the fullest extent at it's vengeance to the poisonous oil treatment which the plant shared with me. Lesson to be learned, don't mess with me. I react. Who doesn't..If you hide things within, it does do it's damage in some way, to yourself. Others can see what you won't admit by your response, "I'm okay". Bad action creates anything but wellness. Perhaps, it was not anything that I could ultimately control, but the question was did I treat the condition correctly in the first place? Did I respond in the correct way using all the right ointments? Sometimes, it's just better to leave things alone. Did I add to the problem, perhaps...This time it took intervention. Thank God for good doctors.

There are some things that you can "learn to control" and we all do the best we can. One thing is certain, if you allow your body to get "out of control" by your actions, whether it be by eating, or abuse of any kind, you will suffer from the effects of your action, good or bad.

You've been warned...rant all you want, it may explode in your face. Some people have to experience heart attacks before learning that "nothing is worth that." Being uncontrolled in any manner can lead  ultimately to destruction.

If your action is wrongly placed toward anything or anyone else, you might be on the run for a long time to come. It can be endless. Unless we break the cycle.

It is better to acquire a spirit of gentleness, forgiveness and peace inside and out. And spread about a motion of goodness that it may come back to you in the form of joy and happiness, rather than kicking you in the butt. One theory I can agree with is, "what goes up will come down," and to what degree, is determined by you almost entirely.

Receive The Unwaning Light

What is meant by the unwaning light but to understand who is the Light of the world and that Light that you receive and  "Put on, is  Christ," who is arisen from the dead. Today being a Christian means more than just going through the motions, it means to be "transformed". It means being "all that you can be for Christ." It means not just saying your a Christian, but showing others that you are by your loving and respectful example. That means not me but Him through me. Are you Christ centered?

In years past, I was often criticised for not being as respectful toward others by the tone I showed toward them, especially those in "authority over me". It wasn't until I saw that same attitude being displayed by others, (which was undesirable), that I realized the need to be more guarded of my own actions. Simply you don't make friends that way. Another one of my burdens was lateness for everything, starting with school, class and then work. I had many excuses, the problem was mine alone. I had work to do, on myself, the only one that needed to change was me. Change only comes through realization, by having yourself exposed and being honest. It is called spiritual growth and we need to be sensitive to all of God's children as we are not at the same level, but are called slowly to understanding through God's Word.

Fast forward, I am no longer the proud one who never would wear a hat especially, that would spoil my hairdo, because it was all about how I looked. Today, it is on a very rare occasion that you would find me in church without a head covering, and on time. Not all people would understand the respect that I learned,  because I cherish my Lord, who sees into my heart. It is done in a spirit of being humble, recognizing that God resists the proud. When I draw near to Him, I do it in purity of heart, with preparation.

Many churches "soften the rules" to accommodate the masses of individuals who will come only if they can be assured of their comfort levels. Yet, does not a slippery slope assure the spiraling down? Is there is no limit to the requirements of some, like special seating, parking arrangements, air conditioning, names placed by donors for their edification and on and on. A non-compliant type will find any excuse not to be where they really do not want to be. This can ultimately relate to non-attendance. The attitude, is it going to be my way or the highway,  eventually means the dwindling of numbers and loss of support, in many ways. But what does that have to say about where we are spiritually?

What is your focus or rather, who is your focus on? Are you Christ centered or self-centered? Look not to the corrupting forces around you who are becoming more and more alienated from the truth, but look to Christ Jesus who is the Truth, and submit to God.

Take the time to read (James Chapter 4:6-11) "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble." Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up." Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge."

We must always interpret scriptures with the guidance of respected clergy, and scholars of the Orthodox faith working within an apostolic tradition. Taken from the Orthodox Study Bible (James 4:11,12) we are reminded "Belittling criticism of others is another way pride is revealed in our speech. It is a lack of faith united with evil works, an offense both to the person criticized and to God. There is one Lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy. Who are you to judge another?"

Wow those are pretty strong words. Life is not easy. It is not easy to admit when we are wrong or when we have offended someone else. Even when we are trying to do the right thing. Then, I appreciate the "Unwaning Light" and all it has to offer all of us. Let the Unwaning light of Christ be my guide, on a sure and straight path which leads me to "life" with no uncertainty. And let not my pride stand in the way of good judgement. O joyful Light!

Finally, when I see with spiritual eyes, Christ naked and bleeding on the cross, as only part of the way that He was humiliated, out of respect, will I transform myself to what is pleasing to Him. We cannot serve two masters. I choose Christ. Forgive me all whom I have offended, my brothers. Let us all work to the greater good in upholding all that has been past down to us by those who gave so much of themselves for the faith that we cherish. And, as my mom used to say, "put a sock in it"... She meant to be careful of what you say to those you love, in order that you will not have to eat those words which cause conflict and damage, at a later time. We ought not be casting stones, as we are all sinners. (Taken from Hosea 6:6) The Lord tells us "For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God more than whole burnt offerings." (5) "And My judgment shall go forth as the Light."


All scriptural references are taken from the "Orthodox Study Bible"

I Do Not Concern Myself

Orthodox Easter, (Pascha) is a time which, while celebrating the joy of the Risen Christ, the world's Savior, there are events which have sadden a number of Christians. We add our prayers to theirs.

Every year, I take something away with me in my celebration. This year, it is "I Do Not Concern Myself with things to great for me." Several days ago someone tried to defend the Resurrection of Christ and while he did a great job, it remains in one word a matter of faith.

Can the Resurrection be reasoned? Can we really know how one can be beaten so brutally, drained of His blood, lanced with a spear, having flesh wounds on His entire body, carry a cross and literally be nailed to it for hours, dehydrated, and plaited with a crown of huge thorns, and be able to walk away from the tomb, if it were not a miracle? If He were Not God? There can be no other explanation.

The dead rose from their graves and were seen in the city. A Roman soldier, acknowledged Him to be the Son of God.

We have old testament scriptures that prepared us, and the myrhbearing women who encountered an angel with the news, "He is risen."

We will see doubting Thomas, who in his disbelief , will examine His hands and His side, to determine for himself. Thomas declared Jesus as "my Lord and my God." Make no mistake Jesus is recognized in the breaking of the bread, and the apostles know Him. Jesus eats fish with his apostles, while Jesus gives them further instructions.

Christians live by faith, trust and hope. Far be it for me to concern myself with things too great for me. As far as I'm concerned it all adds up and the evidence has it. There is hymn sung on Holy and Great Pascha, (the Hypakoe). It goes like this: When they who were with Mary came anticipating the dawn, and found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre, they heard from the angel: Why seek ye among the dead, as though he were mortal man, Him who abideth in everlasting light. Behold the grave clothes. Go quickly and proclaim to the world that the Lord is risen, and has put death to death; for He is the Son of God, Who saveth the race of man.

Who rolled away the stone? Where were the posted guards? Why were His grave clothes found there? Would someone steeling the body remove his wrappings? Where was the dripping blood? Do not persist in your unbelief but believe that Christ is Risen, as countless have during the many years, who, as a result, have gone to their deaths. Who would die for a lie?

Jesus raised his friend Lazarus, four days dead and in a decaying process in order to prepare us for that day, when we will experience our own resurrection from the grave, (death to life). Maybe its time you took a second look, this is no ordinary event. Jesus is the only one who has risen from the dead. Is it so hard to believe that someone loves you so much that they would die so that you may inherit paradise for all eternity?

The only One who could abolish Death for all time by His Death and Resurrection, was Jesus the only sinless One. Time to come out of the dark and into the Light.

Good Guys Wear White Hats

Good guys wear white hats is an old slogan, which we see, is not always the case. Can't even remember where I heard it, but this was a fallacy for sure. It is also untrue about what manner of dress has to say about someone. I remember a time when signs said, no "long" hair allowed. We have come a long way, haven't we? What was proper years back, would be laughable today. The fact is, "exteriors" have little to do with the true nature of the person, yet, that's how we are judged by some.

Several years ago the character Superman, had a type of vision that could penetrate one's clothing and he could see straight to the "heart". False fronts blind us, leading us to believe that people are kind or otherwise normal loving beings, when they are anything but. Who knows what lurks beneath the surface?

Since it is a question of "heart" we must acknowledge that many hearts have gone "cold". Cold, may mean unfeeling and uncaring toward our brother. People can and do hurtful things without regret. As kids we used to say things like, "have a heart." Why isn't it just that simple....We want everything to be "sweet." If there is anything that I've learned in life, it is that life is anything but "sweet," as we learn to take the good with the bad. There is something we can do, and that is pray for change. We can all decide to change. We must forgive and help those in need. Go out of our way to do good deeds. Think of others first. Wear a cheerful countenance. Be polite and accommodating. Share, care and work toward betterment. You can make a difference. Be the example of the change that you want to see.

There is One, other than the superman myth, that can see the "condition" of your heart. He is the only judge. Jesus will have the final word. Everyone will get their chance....Another old saying is "do not throw caution to the wind." Maybe there is something to be said in those words of wisdom-- People of Massachusetts have showed the world, by their examples of love, that we still "have a heart." We are convinced that the bad guys finish last.

Is There Still Room for Love

Captured at the relief of Bay State residents, many put their lives on the line to stop the madness, and as a young man recovers in a Boston hospital, our law inforcement has done their job with great efficiency. In America, we are taught to love one another and to try to right the wrong. This love unites us in every state of our country. Love is a powerful decision. It is stronger than hate, it never gives in and it never gives up.

Persons gone wrong, who made all the wrong choices, deciding to hate, were left in the hands of the compassionate. Scared, cold and fearing for his future, we care for our brother while we are left to grieve for those who suffered at the hands of a few, while protecting all. Our determination is  to choose the path of love, knowing that hate leads to death, and yes, even the death of his own brother. If he were to live a long life, would that fact alone live to haunt him, I wonder?

Let the world see how we take care of our own. We will always have those who stray, and to those we will say that we remain vigilant and constant in our peace keeping efforts, and in our quest  spread love, peace and justice. We do not cower, leading by example, grieving for all lost and while praying, we will continue to comfort those who suffer at the hands of the misguided.

 May light shine upon us all, with time and forgiveness, we will come to the knowledge that there is and will always be room for love if we choose it.

Last night, as we gathered to celebrate the birthday of my oldest son, the conversation was largely on the current lockdown of Boston, and as the event unfolded, in the eyes of all through media coverage, I remember commenting that "he has a mother too." I am tired of all the violence. When will we learn  how precious each and every life is, and make a decision for love?