Through the eyes of someone that loves me, I have begun to see myself. I am controlling. Not just a little, but major controlling. I've taken a step back and I've begun to see that is the characteristic that I least admire in other women I know. Now, I have to admit, I'm no different. Being compared to those women really hurts. A class I was attending, a short time ago opened my eyes to the truth.
Today, I was obedient. My husband told me not to go out and shovel, I do not usually listen to him and do it anyway. Not today.
I had to be the strong one taking care of my brothers and sister, while growing up in my family. I learned to keep things in control and was really their second mother, while mine worked sometimes sixty hours or more a week. When they got hurt I took care of them. I raised my children with little help, until my second marriage. My second husband's mother was very demanding and controlling toward her baby and only son, and husband. She is still very much the same at ninety. He didn't marry his mother. He gets enough badgering just from her alone, he doesn't need more. I observe his reaction to her demands.
It can be hard for me to be the woman he really wants, one that can rely totally on him. I like most woman, like having my own way. My ability to accomplish things that most woman would not do, and that he cannot do, makes him feel put down, and defeated, even if I do not say a word. A man that feels like a failure, will translate to a problemsome marriage. Today, I saw a show on Dr. Phil's. I was like the woman who constantly corrects or bosses her husband around, as I know better. Even if I do, one must be careful to spare someone else's feelings. Correcting, and scolding can make your husband feel badly about himself and can destroy a relationship. Some turn to other distractions or vices. I don't like it when someone does it to me, as I am learning.
Scripture says woman was made for man. There is great wisdom there. Becoming a better woman, will produce a better man. I finally get that. His happiest times are when my husband brings me things, reaches for something I can't get, or takes me to a play or dinner. When I'm sick he takes care of me. (He likes to call me his little girl). He is a great guy who has loved me for an eternity and has always been there to pick me up, when I fail. What did I do to deserve such a wonderful man?
Love is when someone sees something special in you even when you don't see it. There is always room for growth and change. Love does not focus on anything but the positive, ignoring the small imperfections, which sometimes, they are not even aware of.
Baby steps may help you to make your New Year's resolution, real and lasting.
There is plenty of room for change, now that the New Year is upon us I will begin to take baby steps to work on myself. I don't like being told what to do, even when it is good for me. So, if he wants me to wear flannel nightgowns with teddy bears holding balloons, is that too much to ask for without complaint? This world is busy telling us that their is no difference between men and woman. Even I know that is ridiculous. I hope someday, I will be the woman that he wants me to be. All I have to do is trust him and be obedient. His dad once called me a strong woman. He was right and I was proud of it, then. Now I know that it is time to stop leading on the dance floor, and follow.
Almost A Minyan
2 months ago