Beyond His Years

Last weekend began one of the most enjoyable weeks that grampy and I have had with Nathan. He was our house guest. Unfortunately, he came when he had a cold, and we were on the brink of something ourselves.

Those days were so precious that I would be remiss to write them down. This morning I had the pleasure of hearing his happy little voice as he was at home with his very happy and hopefully well-rested parents.

Looking back, there was only one call for a time-out. That was done by his grampy. Nathan has become used to time-outs, no he doesn't like them, but it wasn't the time out that bothered him, it was that grampy was mad. During our little walks, earlier he remarked, that "grampy doesn't get mad." But grampy will not tolerate slapping and pushing grandma. He's got it, if you want anything from grampy, you have to be nice to grandma.

Lessons are taught many ways. He sees grandma looks up to grampy, now he is learning the chain of authority. He knows that whatever grandma asks grampy to buy at the store, he does. So, now when he wants something, he will ask me to ask grampy for it. (My point is that time-outs teach resentment). Like all anger, it develops from the previous point, until resolved). We would rather stress the positive.

He is built tough. He had fallen on just about every bone in his body, just developing. You tell him he's okay, and he believes you, because he sees you as his authority, and he knows that you love him. So what bothers him? When you are mad.
You are his security blanket he cannot afford to lose.

This is the easy part, all men, live to please their women. It is a natural instinct in them. I complimented his work, just as I would any other man, (forget the age), and he loved it. He couldn't do enough to help grandma, it pleased him. Giving him small tasks help to develop his listening skills. It says, yes I am paying attention to you. (Who doesn't want that?) So, he went around with his indoor lawnmower, and grandma made a big deal about his "work."

There has to be room for choices, do you want applesauce, or peaches, or what video would you like this time? I find Nathan is a very strong-willed child, but will do anything if he is not pressured into it. Making him think it is his decision was helpful. Sometimes, this technique was not applicable like when it was time for going to the potty. No boy at that age wants to go to the potty, just ask them. NO! They try everything to avoid it. Excuses, excuses, excuses.

So, I learned quickly not to ask, rather, we'd look forward to the next event, saying, after you go to the potty, we'll go for an adventure in grandma's car. Call me when your done. Leave quickly. The next thing I knew, "I did It." No problem. There is never a problem when good behaviour brings about a reward. Kiss the boo-boo knows all about that, right guys? (For my boys it was usually a share in the cheese cake bought at the grocery store). Nathan was promised a new little matchbox car and we kept our focus on that. Contingent of course, on how he behaved for grammy.

Dealing with the word No. A simple business technique I learned at the office, in order to get a person on a positive side, was to ask questions that result in the answer yes. Is the sky blue? Yes, Is the sun out, Yes? Do you see the blinking light? Yes. No is not what grandma wants to hear. If that fails, it was the authority reminder, grandma is boss number 1, then Nathan is boss is number 2.

If he started with his whining, which all kids learn from each other, I simply told him that I didn't like to hear it, and if it continued, it would be early to bed, like right now. It stopped immediately.

Nathan wants to be happy, he laughs and plays, and is such a good boy. He is so interested in life, and wants to learn everything in a day. Mostly, he is proud of his work, and helping grammy and grampy.

Each day, he talked to his parents on the phone, and looked forward to seeing them, telling me they were coming on an airplane. Someday he wants to go on one too! Even though he is still scared of the minutest bugs on grammy's window. Growing up is not easy. He's doing a great job with his alphabet, numbers, putting things together, now he has learned one of life's important lessons, chain of command. The go-to person.

I was stunned the other day when he asked me, "grandma are you happy?" (If grandma is happy, he is doing his job. His work is important to him. Work equals rewards). Wait! Since when has anyone ever asked me that question?